This is why you’re single:
My sister is beautiful, ridiculously beautiful and single. I’m sick of it.
Her Facebook statuses drive me crazy.
Sure. I’d love to join you! I’ll leave the children with our Swedish nanny. We can have brunch and mimosas afterwards too!
Jerk.
Its time for this chick to get married, have kids, and live the good life like the rest of us. The good life = waking up too early on Sunday morning, alligator death rolling to the coffee pot, and lying on the floor half dead while happy little children stuff your nose and ears full of Cheerios.
Awesome.
Enough of this sleeping in, having fun, working out, and partying on the weekends lifestyle.
Its time to grow up Vanessa and I am going to help you.
This is why you’re single:
Because you listen to the Taylor Swift station on Pandora
Because your Facebook statuses say shit like “Dancing under the full moon”
Because you pronounce a non existent “H” after the “T” in Phantom as in Phantom of the Opera
Because you are obsessed with Phantom of the Opera
Because you broke my magic 8 ball when you were five and I put a curse on you
Because you leave tumbleweaves wherever you go
Because you refuse to measure when cooking
Because you don’t date men with googly, beady, or close set eyes which eliminates 99.99% of the straight male population
Because you think every meal is Tapas. Get your fingers off my food!
Because you still listen to high school cheerleading mix CDs with Venga Boys on them
Because you think “Dirty Dancing” is a documentary
Seriously though. Take your time.
The less time you spend getting married and having kids the more time you can spend taking care of mine. See how thoughtful I am?
We love you Titi : ) xo
You will never get over that damn magic 8 ball! I was 5!!!! Lol. Allllll the single ladies! Allll the single ladies!
Laughing my ass off. Seriously.
“Because you broke my magic 8 ball when you were five and I put a curse on you”!!
I’m SO with her on the beady/close-set eyes thing. BARF. I don’t trust any man with beady eyes. There’s some beer commercial on lately and the guy has the beadiest eyes that are so close together they’re practically touching, and it makes me ill. He’s vile.
lol loved the alligator death rolling. and the curse from when you were small? priceless.
Ha! I have a single sister myself, but I’m in no rush to marry her off. Free babysitting!
this made my laugh like crazy! lol especially about the magic 8-ball lol
LOL. This post is awesome and fabulous and I love it.
You are too funny
LOL love the part about more time to take care of your kids. Darn it I need me an unmarried with no kids sister.
LOL I’m with her on the Taylor Swift station maybe that’s why I’m technically still single too!
note to self: stop listening to Taylor Swift.
That is hysterical! Especially the stay single longer so you can take care of my kids. Funny!
[...] again this month. I can’t get enough of her pictures of her cute kids, and this letter to her single sister? I should just go ahead and forward it to mine. Pretty [...]